Self Doubt

What's up, people! Ya know it's funny how we are often underestimating ourselves or so consumed with self-doubt that we hold ourselves back from making progress or accomplishing the ultimate.
At times even when the obvious is clearly set before us, because our minds are so clouded we miss it. Okay, I won't say clouded, but at times we put more thought into a situation than needed or required. I am guilty of this at times myself.
Do we second guess ourselves out of fear? Does fear play a large role in the minds of those with a large amount of self- doubt?
In my readings tonight of "Courageous Faith" by Ed Hindson, I learned a great deal about Gideon and his journey with God in the old testament. God chose Gideon, the most unlikely hero, to deliver the Israelites and defeat the Midianites and Amalekites. Gideon was the biggest coward God could have chosen; he feared and questioned everything. Gideon came up with every excuse known but God would not let him off the hook. He was so consumed in his self-doubt and lack of faith that he failed to see what was right before him. Gideon was obedient but failed to do the ultimate which was to let go of his fears and surrender completely. He was afraid to step out on faith and completely trust God because he was so consumed in his own fears.
Sometimes today we are all Gideons in life, in one way or another. We fail to see the obvious. This can also be related with second guessing ourselves or doubting our self-awareness in a situation or circumstance. Through self-doubt, we lose our sense of self-worth. If we learn to let go and surrender by having faith in not only God but ourselves; the gain would be limitless and blessings abundantly vast.
Self growth takes time, effort, and patience; but the key is Faith.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”  
- Winston Churchill

Doing Time Together

A conversation with my mother the other day, pierced a new hole in my heart. You see, two of my brothers are in prison. One is the youngest of the six of us and of course my mother's baby. He and I being the youngest are very close, so naturally all of his communications usually go through me. I heard the pain in my mother's voice as she asked, "Have you heard from your brother?" When I said, "No, Ma, but I am sure he is okay." I could hear the worry in her breathing as she replied, "Lord, have mercy. I hope he is okay." Yes, an automatic tear-jerker for me every time, but I have to be tough and insist he's okay, like I really know when honestly I wonder myself how he REALLY is. Meanwhile, my older brother wrote me a pain striking letter. He was explaining how he'd had a stroke in his sleep but the prison MD said that there was nothing to do but let the body work itself out. I was hurt and angry. But the most pain came from the question in my mind: "how do I tell my mother that her second born had a stroke in his sleep that left his right side weak and twisted and he may not be getting the care he possibly needs?!" Well God is always on time. My third brother, a Pastor, called and prayed with me. We were clearly both upset but he reminded me that when you pray there is no need to worry and if you're going to worry there is no need to pray. He was right. This gave me the comfort my heart needed and I was able to speak to my mom. I later researched my brother's case and gave him information on what he could do to help himself without medical care and put the rest in God's capable hands. Now my brother is okay, talking better and he said his face is no longer twisted, God is good. My point in this blog is when a loved one does time; his/her family does it with them. Not only do the time with them but the emotional effect lingers. Choices we make and lifestyles we live cause us to deal or suffer consequences that have a large impact on more than just your own life but also those around you. Time can't be reversed and actions can't be taken back...but we can think about the outcome of our actions and decisions before we hand. Just something to think about.

The Right Lane

I often wonder in my fit of "Road Rage", what goes on in the mind of the driver that is determined not to merge into the right lane; when due to their speed they clearly belong over there. They continue to nonchalantly continue on in the left lane at their own (slow) pace as if they don't see all the cars lining up behind them cause they can't pass due to the car that IS in the right lane. LOL!! They continue to mosey along as if they have no where to be. I imagine the driver glancing in their rear view mirror, looking and saying to themselves, "hmmph I'm not getting over Bitches, better go around!" and then laughing to themselves. Look people if you can't keep up with the left lane traffic and speed, get your slow ass in the RIGHT lane where you belong and stop being stubborn! Simple as that. Another thing, while we are on the subject of "merging"; when approaching a ramp and cars are entering the highway get over and let them on! That should be automatic. I almost ran out of road and had to stop because some idiot didn't want to get over. It's not Rocket Science, people!

Letting Go...

I recently had a conversation with a friend who has definitely been torn between love and facing the inevitable. It is often that we find ourselves in a situation where we have a hard time doing what we know in our guts and in our hearts is the best thing for us and those around us. But when you love someone you want to give them the benefit of the doubt and so you keep making excuses and giving them chances. What we often fail to realize is that each time we give them another opportunity to right a situation the fix is always temporary. The temporary fix is always good for a while but then slowly we begin to see the same patterns starting to surface. Although it is painful because of time and emotions sometimes the best thing is to let go. Now doing this is not going to be easy for some because of the ties that bind you to that person; but why must one continue to go through the constant pain of disappointment. Sometimes we must love enough to walk away and let go, not only for yourself but for them as well. Your letting go may be doing them a favor...everything does happen for a reason.